Review – Geppetto Gets Splinters (“Pinocchio”)

There have been tons of remakes, reboots, and reimaginings of Pinocchio this decade alone! And I’m counting Guillermo DelToro’s stop-motion version coming out in December. Too bad Italian author Carlo Collodi isn’t around to collect on the residuals!   In yet another classic-Disney-animated-feature-turned-into-a-live-action-film from the House of Mouse (and there’s lots more to come, too!), we…

Review – Rocky With A Cape? (“Samaritan”)

Sly Stallone. He’s been a prizefighter, a Vietnam vet with PTSD, a hearing-impaired cop, a futuristic merciless judge, a ruthless assassin-for-hire, and even a dapper 40’s gangster, so it was about time he became a superhero, right? Right?! Like a 1980’s throw-back movie, Sly stars as Joe Smith, an ex-superhero called Samaritan living in hiding…

Review – The Lion Doesn’t Sleep Tonight (“Beast”)

After seeing this movie, you’ll think twice about going to one of those drive-through animal parks like Lion Country Safari in Florida or the San Diego Wildlife Park. Word of advice, if you see a 400lb lion walking towards your car, stay inside!! Rule number one with lions: do NOT piss them off!! Deep in…

Review – The San Fernando Valley Bites (“Day Shift”)

Mix John Carpenter’s Vampires, Van Helsing, and From Dawn Til Dusk, and you’ll have this dark comedy about vampire hunters in Reseda. Oh, they’re also hunting blood-suckers in my hometown of Simi Valley, so there’s that. Jamie Foxx stars as Bud Jablonski, a disgraced vampire killer who is trying to get back into his union.…